Flow
TIMING OF THE EVENING (SUGGESTED)
6:30-7:00 pm - People mingle and host greets guests and introduces everyone to one another. (In a virtual environment this is where you ask people to introduce one another.)
7:00-7:05 pm - Host asks everyone to grab their food and be seated. We typically bring the food over to a communal table where everyone is seated so people can eat and drink with ease throughout without being too distracting.
7:05-7:10 pm - Explain your role and the ground rules. In addition to what is mentioned above, the other key thing about being the facilitator is to tell the group that you are NOT the authority. It is the responsibility of the group to create this salon. Tell them to jump in with their own questions or comment and that it is your job to help move the salon along.
7:10 -8:45 pm
Opening of the salon. Start by asking someone to share their story. Now this part is tricky. and it is helpful to have in my mind who you want to ask. Typically the person who goes first sets the tone, so choose wisely. Find someone who is a good story teller, is thoughtful, and will be honest and vulnerable.
Example: In the salon “How will you measure your life” a decorated marine share the story of coming home from war to a father was transgender and became a woman. The marine said this was one of the few venues he had ever shared this story. His honest opened up the room in a way we could not have imagined.
Throughout the two hours:
After the first person speaks ask for a few more people to share their stories, do not go in a circle around the room but instead pull themes from the stories and ask others if they share this theme. For example ask people “why” questions about their story or draw a theme out that was shared in two different stories. For example, I heard that both of you associated masculinity with your fathers. Why do you think that is?
Don’t be afraid of short silences, people will jump in. The first 20 minutes are always the most challenging so just stay focused. Refer to your preparation notes and use the additional questions and themes we shared if you feel the silences are too long.
Find the right balance of seeking out stories and allowing the group to play with one person’s story or theme that emerged. For example, if in salon about “style” someone mentions their style moment as when they first work make up or when they decided that they never wanted to wear dresses again. Ask them why? Where do they think that came from. Was this liberating? Constricting? Etc.
8:45 - 9:00pm
About 15-20 minutes before 9:00pm start moving the group toward wrapping up. Then ask a few people to share any reflections or learnings. These can often be quite fascinating so make sure you leave room. Also if someone has been quiet this is a great way to integrate them.
Also don’t be afraid to share your own learnings as you wrap it up. Be sure to end the salon at 9:00pm. The conversation may want to continue but it is important to stop at this juncture to let those who need to leave, leave. Try to stop at 9pm and let those who have to leave, leave and let everyone else know they can stay as long as they want and discuss. It is always good to end a salon when people want to keep going.